Red flames are the proof of justice! The sun of life burning a deep red......!
Ryusei Red! Morisawa Chiaki......☆
♥️ time until chiaki day ♥️
↑ love of my life! ↑
chiaki morisawa. hm...i don't think simple words could convey the amount of love i hold for him! he's (without sounding cheesy) literally the sun to me. whenever the rain starts to pour down on me, you're always there to brighten up the sky, and make me smile! every fear i hold within me- every single thing that holds me back..they all fade into the distance when i see you smile! that smile, it could ignite the darkest of souls! the fiery look your eyes hold, but also the soft & warm feelings those beautiful eyes are flooding of.. they could lead me out of the darkest of tunnels! ahhhhh...just imagining how warm your hugs must be, it makes me never want to stop imagining it! i want to be there to give you a hug..you're always the one to give... you deserve to have something be given back! i want to be there to hold onto your hand whenever you are feeling upset, and tell you that "everything will be alright", i know you would do your best to hide your feelings of uneasiness as to not wanting to worry everyone who cares for you, but.. holding back will only hurt you more! you deserve only happiness, of course. that's what i'm always saying! but, you and i both have to remember that in life, there ARE hardships. and we can't be scared of them any longer. we need to let it out whenever we need to cry...we need to let the tears flow, and let someone comfort us. that's all i want to do for you, chiaki.... i want to be the raft that keeps you afloat, i want to be the shelter you find within the storm...! i want to be there for you! i want to see you smile, whether it be for me or not, i don't care... i want you to smile for you! i want you to smile for the way you have the ability to help so many people, and bring smiles to their crying faces...i want you to smile through the pounding rain, and make it all go away... you've fought through so much...haaaaa.... i'm so proud of you, truly! i'm sure i sound like a mom seeing her child off to school on the first day of school right about now...heh..but, i really am proud of you! you managed to make it through your bitter depression, with a cheerful smile plastered on your lovely face! you've fought so hard for yourself and so many people. and still do! every single day, you save someone in a way that no "normal hero" could! you've gathered a wonderful group of friends who love and support you, they would do anything for you! that day...that day that you met every single one of them, you painted their lives with a rainbow pallet! you brought them to life! you saved them from pain, and have brought smiles to their faces... you truly are the world's greatest hero, chiaki! no one can do what you do, no one has the power to zap a heart back to life with just a flash of a smile! only you! ... i love you, chiaki. all my feelings, they go out to you. you've saved me in a way too! i struggled with the battle of depression for a long time...this past year, i've been healing, and helping myself! it was hard to do it on my own... i couldn't tell anyone though, i had to stay quiet through it all... i was in a good place- i wouldn't say the very best, but it was better than it was! but then... that day that i saw you.. i had found it! i had found my inspiration- i had found the person i wanted to be like! i feel that i've always been like you within, but had to be awakened by you! all my friends- especially you two; kayla, and liv.. thank you for staying by my side after all this time!- they were all the ones to reach out, and save me from the person i was... i only want to do the same for them! and the same goes for you chiaki...i want to be your hero! i want to reach for you, and wipe any sorrow from you! you've done so much for me, i only want to help you to find an everlasting happiness, whatever that may be!
thank you, chiaki. truly...thank you so much! my words cannot do my overflowing feelings for you justice! there's too much to say, that words just can't cover (if that makes any sense at all, ehe).. if i began from this moment now, until the moment i die... there's no possible way that i would be able to describe how grateful i am to you! your burning heart...it's a true miracle, it lights a fire within my own, and keeps me moving forward! someday, i hope to bloom just like you! aha, randomly that reminds me of a song! thinking back on it, that song reminds me of you a little bit.. i can't help thinking about you whenever i hear it!
"That day you taught me the strength and meaning of living
I'll grasp it strongly within my heart
Someday everything will surely bloom like the flower of hope
Beginning from right here"
every single time i hear it, i think of how far we both have come, chiaki... and how i will forever be looking up to you...it's our journey together, chiaki! and i'm sure that just sounds silly to everyone around..but you mean the world to me.. i will eternally be grateful to you. i promise to always call on you, whenever i'm in need, hero ♪
i touched on this a little bit.. but, not quite in the detail i should have done! so! chiaki, i promise you! your "comrades of justice" will forever be there for you! you all have connected your souls to one another, and.. really, wouldn't be able to go on without one another! you saved them all from inevitable pain.. sure, there still will be painful times, as is with life- but! you've taken some of that aching away from them, and replaced that hole with the joy of friendship, and triumph! every single one of them- kanata, tetora, midori, and shinobu- ..i'm sure they feel the same as me, they will forever feel in debt to you for pointing a joyful glance at them, and leading them towards an eternal sunshine! you've brought them all together with yourself, and have created a family- i'm sure that especially means a lot to kanata, as far as we all know, his family life is not very great whatsoever.. so you've given him a true family, one he can be proud of, and smile whenever a memory of his younger days pops up! a family he can stand by, and be thankful to! you gave that to him, chiaki! and tetora, well tetora.. tetora was rejected from where he originally wanted to be! he will always be looking up to kuro, and wants to grow into a "true man" just like him! so the rejection he faced from keito about not being allowed into akatsuki..i'm sure that really hurt him! you were there though, you gave him your hand, and said "join me!", giving him four new people to look up to in different ways! you gave him a chance to discover who he truly is, and find new hopes and dreams! next is shinobu! shinobu was all alone.. he was alone in club activities, and was always too shy to ever speak up to say "hello" to someone, that day you met him, you filled him with confidence, and gave him his voice! you gave him the strength to conquer any fears he had! and now, here he stands! surrounded by friends who love him! you brought many different voices into his lonely life, i'm sure he will forever think of you and smile.. letting out a soft "thank you" deep from his heart! finally, midori. one day, you saw him- this almost lifeless looking boy- walking through yumenosaki, and instantly thought "i want to make him smile!". within moments, you reached towards him hoping that you could help him, just like how you helped yourself! your feelings of hopefulness eventually reached midori, and he agreed to join you! through his tears, he screamed out to you that he would never be able to repay you for all you've done for him. you brought a light to his life. a bright red one, representing you..and brought forth a blue, black, and yellow one towards his dull green.. you gave his life meaning again, you ignited that lifeless green, and made him shine! by doing so, your dreams, his dreams, and ryuseitai's dreams have all come true! the five of you, together like this forever...what could be better, right? so, thank you from me as well, chiaki! thank you for bringing together this bunch of misfits, and allowing them to shine brighter than any star! thank you for giving them the power to feel as if they could fly through every galaxy, flashing their colours cheerfully, and with pride! thank you for bringing forth something that means so much to me... thank you, sincerely; from the bottom of my heart.. thank you for ryuseitai!
i feel that i am lucky to have met you, chiaki! i really do! no.. more accurately, i know that i am lucky to have met you! i don't stand here within this moment with nothing but optimism, and love- i stand here, saying that "i am sure"... i am sure that us meeting wasn't just a passing thing! you truly have captured me in every way possible, you know that, right? it's scary, really... despite that, it makes me really happy! i believe that encounters all happen for a reason, and i believe our meeting was so i could truly feel like i am not alone. and look, i'm not insane, i know you're a work of fiction, okay? but in a way, it always feels like you're here with me! like an angel almost haha! whatever it is, i love the feeling! i love it so much that it lead me to write all of this! god... i probably make no sense at all now! euuuuuuugh i wish feelings were easy things to understand, and describe! what i'm trying to say is, i've created a story with you. i've created a story with every single one of my favourite characters, but with you, it feels like it's a never ending story! and i'm glad about that, i'm glad that it was you! even when i'm an old woman, i know i'll think of you, and smile. these days with you are surrounded by pure happiness, and love... thinking of you, i'll sit there (probably covered in dogs, watching titanic Again), and be warm inside. like.. like a flower has begun to bloom again! like the spring in my heart is finally started to take the stage... i know that i'll look back on you, with no regrets at all. i could never, EVER, find it in my heart to ever regret meeting you, chiaki! our story has only just begun, and i know it's a large and. probably an annoying path for an outsider.. and it's strange that you're a 2D character from a game, i know that, but... in every moment, even the strangest ones; a story can be dreamed of, and brought to life!
haha, you didn't think i would forget this part, did you?!
chiaki, you are honestly the cutest thing to ever exist. you make so soft. just.. just look at This Gif....like..I DON'T EVEN?? KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE IT...you literally go from that one meme where it's like. "my precious baby boy" to "MY BOYFRIENFWHO SPITS IN MY MOUTH"...??! YOU JUST ARE SO CUTE IN EVERY WAY HHHHH......your beautiful eyes that remind me of a warm burning fire, crisp like the stars in the sky..your cute wavy-kinda-messy hair, and how it falls so gently on your head.. the amount of times that i've wanted to reach through my screen and play with your fringe is. Too Many Times To Count. your hair would be so nice and soft, like a warm blanket!! i love your baby face, and i ant to squish your cheeks! so badly!!!! i love you for you. no matter what happens, my feelings won't waver! you'll forever be cuter than a puppy to me, and hotter than any sun honestly! just..even your personality is adorable! GAH I COULD GO INTO SO MANY DETAILS!!! but.. that would take so so so so so long, hehe! i feel like you would have a really soft face, i kind of want to feel how soft your skin is, tracing every single part of your face with my finger, taking in this pure perfection that is you! er.. sorry if that sounded creepy, it wasn't meant to sound weird!!!!!! AND AS I HAVE EXPLAINED... MANY TIMES YOU HAVE A VERY GOOD BUTT. this is a FACT. it's very round, and a little squishy.. but for the most part: firm! IT IS A GOOD BUTT!!!! HHAHhhaahahaaaaahh .. i love you, chiaki..god, how many times can i say that? hehe, i would be content to even just sit and marathon every high school musical movie with you, while cuddling, singing every single word to every single song with you.. maybe eating some chips..? or- really, anything would be fine! so long as you're there with me, i would be happy with anything ♪
of course, i can’t write a letter to you without discussing this: our similarities!
chiaki… it is, crazy, how much you and i have in common it’s… it’s everything about the two of us, you know? i want to begin at the well. the start!!! you and i both were always sick kids.. i was born with many breathing problems due to the way i came out of my mother, and had chronic pneumonia! (i still to this day don’t have a fantastic immune system, i’m sure it’s the same for you) ..my parents were really worried about me, and even told me later on in life that they weren’t sure if i was going to live! it’s weird how easily i talk about that kind of thing ehe… and as we learned more about you, we found out that you were sick as well as a kid! then, as we both continued forward, we got healthier! we were able to venture out into the world! but still, something was “off” with us, right? Or at least that’s what people always thought… we went from being the “sick kid”, to being the “weird kid”- it was like we could never escape from being a type of punching bag. always, people saw us as the strange ones because of our interests. we wanted to talk with people about those interests, and just! have fun! we wanted to make people happy... what was so weird about that anyways...? ...we grew up as our own friend until then- hoping, wishing, praying... all of that kind of stuff.. we wished for a miracle! we wished for a future where we could be free, and make people happy! a world where we can be someone's friend, we wanted someone to support! but when we finally had the chance to make that single wish come true... no one wanted it? everyone seemed to turn away. we were the outcasts. the wallflowers. even if someone did offer us a hand, it was out of pity. and that's not paranoia, that's a fact i learned down the road. those people.. their smiles and the "friendship" was always fake. i was just there. so i don't like to consider them friends. we were our own friends. and as we grew more used to it, we started to like it that way. the world seemed scary. all it ever seemed to do was turn us down... it took everything beautiful that we had inside, and killed it like it was nothing to begin with. like it never even mattered! but life goes on, and you learn to be your own best friend. which is what we did! we grew up, and went from the joyful and hopeful children we once were, to introverted, lonely, and depressed well. loners! in high school, we made one friend in our first year.. that person seemed to see past our "strange" tendencies, and helped us in their own kind of way. they offered an odd kind of support- though it mean't everything. in your case, that person is kuro, right? ehe, i won't name mine because that would be sort of embarrassing but... yeah! we had that person who protected us in a way. they were more aggressive and upfront with people, meanwhile we allowed ourselves to be walked all over, and held every issue inside. we still do that.. it's a problem haha! we grew more, and ultimately decided that we needed to help ourselves. "no more of this, i want to smile from now on!" is the dream we created! and from there on, we worked little by little on ourselves- and found the version of ourselves that had been locked away from our childhood! we found ourselves again!☆
you and i both are the same even now! we have. the exact same personality. we always do our best to smile, and keep the mood light even if we are hurting... we always hide our pain as to not worry people- who wants to be a burden? we ALWAYS support people, and are willing to help them out! even if at first we have no idea what we're doing! we're clumsy (emotionally AND physically), to the point where we get hurt all the time- i personally love calling them my Battle Wounds. we are. way too easily embarrassed, but somehow manage to say even more embarrassing things, and be FINE! WE BOTH ARE SO LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE YELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we both are always worrying about something, even if we really have no reason to do so! we fear that everyone finds us annoying (which, they probably do. no they just. They Do!)! we... hehe...Hate eggplants. Die Evil Things. we are!!!!!!! THE NATURAL LEADERS!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT, WE ALSO CAN EASILY GO FROM ACTING LIKE CHILDREN, TO WELL. putting on a scary and serious face.. we have that Super Power. speaking of super powers: we are Super Hero Fans! we work too hard to the point where we pass out from exhaustion, we... we are way too touchy-feely, we have low blood pressure, we are super duper cheesy to the point where it hurts, we are over enthusiastic and optimistic.. seriously it's Intense.... we are SO PASSIONATE!!!!!! we can just talk your ear off about things we love for HOURS!!! we always speak up against injustices, and despise wickedness. with that being said, we allow ourselves to experience hard times, even if we have a way out- we let people walk all over us.. heh, i always like to say that my Fatal Flaw is my ability to forgive, and give chances way too easily- it makes it sound kind of cool, right?! we have the power to always see the good in people; we are.. So Sensitive. but hide it no matter what, like i stated previously. and just. the list goes on and on! i can relate to you in....... well! probably every single way, chiaki! and i'm very grateful for that... i'm grateful i have you! it makes me really happy that i can see myself in you! it wasn't even me who realized our similarities at first! i owe it to all of my dear friends! if it wasn't for them, i probably wouldn't feel right comparing us, i would think it's just strange for me to love a character so much, but to also. be exactly like said character. but with you, it makes me really happy! i'm glad you exist chiaki, and that people can associate me with such a bright light like yourself!
with all of that being said; for the past year, i have felt... happy. i've done a lot of reflecting! i've reflected on the entirety that is my life! i remember being hurt by a "friend" for the first time.. i felt betrayed.. like i was in a tv drama or something like that! i remember the first time i hurt a friend... that hurts even more when i think back on it. i have so many memories. i could piece it together like a puzzle almost. some things are hazy, some things i have perfect sight of, and others. i chose to forget long ago. though, i think doing that is one of my greatest regrets. i don't want to forget any thing. i want to remember these days, the days that have passed, and the days that are to come.. i want to love life- and as of now, i do! i'm happy! and honestly? i owe a lot of it to you, chiaki!
your existence, no matter what, causes me to smile! i swear it's like i have a schoolgirl crush or something (it's so embarrassing)... but it's true! in the past year that i've had you by my side, you have made my heart swell! i just. AHHHHHH... i can't even put it into words any more! just. incoherent yelling! i just love you, chiaki! i do! and no matter what, there's no way out for me... i'm in too deep now, hehe!
so, thank you, chiaki!
i can proudly stand here, smiling brightly.. and scream so that the whole world can hear me...
"I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!"
ahh....your passion, your loving nature, your admiration for heroes, your everything... you make me smile somehow, no matter what you're talking about! my mood seems to flow with you! you are so extremely important to me, i can't contain my love for you without it all flooding out and making me tear up! you just- you mean so much to me! i love you for everything! i promise to stand true to these feelings for as long as i live! even when i'm a 74 year old woman (or something like that!), i'll go into my closet..and find my plush of you, and smile. remembering all the times i've shared with you, brightly beaming with pure nostalgia! holding that plush tight, i'll feel safe and secure. like there's an angel watching over me somewhere...like i'll always have someone to be there whenever i fall.. like.. it's almost like i'll feel rejuvenated, and want to get up and sing through my tears to "growing starry days"! of course, i shouldn't at that age- but.. has something like that ever stopped us before?! hehe, we run on the pure fuel of happiness i believe! and with you, i'm filled with it! you give me all the joy that the world let's out.. you give it all to me, without even realizing it!
at this point, i'm sure i'm purely rambling..hehe, i want to do my best so that my feelings can reach you though! i want to repay the joy that you've given to me, and so many other people! you're truly an angel! wherever you go, you chase a villain away from someone's heart, and dust off any of the pain! and we all want to do the same for you! i hope this expressed how much you mean to me, and how much i believe you've affected me as a person in an amazing way!!! ...my happiness, i'm sure at this point is pouring out in the form of soft tears.. chiaki, deep from the bottom of my heart, i want my sincerest "thank you!" to ring out, and echo towards you! thank you for making every day feel like a miracle for me, i love you so much ♡
i am fully dedicated to being your producer, chiaki! it's an honour to work with you! let's do our best together, okay?♪
...thank you for everything you’ve done for me…!
i won’t ever forget you!
➟ log: november 2017
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
heeeeeey, chiaki…. dont’t make it bad, take a sad song, and make it betterrrrrrrr- er, sorry heh im listening to hey jude while writing this and this just. kinda happened! although it’s really not a fitting song since well, it was made by mccartney to comfort lennon’s son during his parents divorce...so. LETS FIND A BETTER SONG!!!!!!!!! How about um…..”i want to hold your hand”? that is indeed an accurate one heheh...AH ACTUALLY!! I should address something else first!
hello, chi chan! i love you!!!! so much!! I wrote that original letter back in november 2017, so i thought it would be good if i came back and wrote well. A second letter basically! i might rehash things, but i don’t know… i just wanna talk about you! i love you! i love talking about you, and all of the little things you say and do! The big things to! and the..the normal sized things you do i suppose…? Well, WHATEVER the bottom line is, i love talking about you! I LOVE LOVING YOU!!!!!!!! hence why i haven’t stopped! i still love you just as much as i did, and then multiply it by one million thousand and then SPECIFICALLY 92% of an increase! you are just... so perfect.........
i want to write to you again, more so to reflect on everything with you, you know? i wanna talk about everything, no matter how stupid or lame i sound afterwards! so.. where to start.... i don't really know how to start it, i'll just let it flow outta me! sure, it'll probably be word vomit but! that's fitting for me- just an endless spiral of words, that always hold a deeper meaning than the first glance ever lets on!
you know, i had written that letter after a few months of REAAAAAALLY knowing you, not just, loving you from afar and GOD that reminds me! i can still remember the exact moment that i saw you...i knew nothing about enstars, nothing but You. it was back in the may of 2016! for reasons, i never got into enstars until the june of 2017; but from the moment i first saw you, i instantly knew.. i KNEW that i loved you! and i was very vocal about it at the time, i would just post you from time to time back then and go "look at my boyfriend hes so cute" and now!! here i am!!!! now you're my boyfriend, my son, my best friend, my enemy (at times u little butt), the bane of my existence, one of my reasons i value life much more than i had before, you're my.... you're my guy! you're my favourite character! you make me... really happy!!!!!!!!!
im really thankful for you, and this encounter of ours! allowing myself to learn more about you really helped me in this weird way...i said it before in my previous log, but. chiaki, you and i really are one in the same! we struggle with the same exact things, and every time you struggle with something emotionally, or stress over the tiniest little minuscule thing, i understand it one hundred percent! and you.. you really helped me be more comfortable with myself! for my entire life, i felt that i was burying who i really was... and in doing so, it's like i was constantly tightening a noose around my true potential! all i ever could see was darkness, really.. it was like i had been enveloped in a never ending shadow land- something nightmareish out of a tim burton film..i wanted to get out of that; i wanted to be who i felt i was on the inside. and so i fought! i worked really hard! and i feel as if ive found my true self, and that feeling...it's a wonderful feeling! but even so, i was still struggling.. i would think about stuff like "is this who i really want to be? i can always turn back. no one would stop me. no one would care enough...do i even care enough?" ..it sucked really bad still..but i plastered a smile on my face, and repeated to myself "Fake It Til You Make It." (spoiler: that really didn't do anything, but eh, it was worth a try heh!)....then you appeared. i had met you before, but not like this! i wanted to know more about you- this cute boy with the pretty eyes and fluffy hair! i wanted to deconstruct you like you were a project almost! that sounds.. pretty weird, but. in all honesty, i did! i took such a deep and genuine interest in you chiaki! and when i looked deeper into you, i just... i knew. i knew i would forever cherish you. there was just something so special about you that i had never felt for another character..i couldn't figure it out! but, when i was reading baton pass for the first time.. every action, every single word.. every single funny chiaki-ism just. reminded me of someone.. who you ask? WELL! obviously GOD! WHO ELSE???! okay but really you just. really spoke to me on a personal level.. and the more i thought about it, the more i realized how ..exactly alike we really are. and it brought me a lot of comfort; especially at the time when i was struggling still with who i was.. i saw this wonderful baby angel and held him at such a high level, and could see literally all of myself in him??? it just.. brought me peace of mind.
"if i can love him, then why can't i love myself?"
and i grew happier with who i was, because i had someone who i could relate so much to, and that i loved so much...you just. really helped me is what im trying to say! you came into my life at such a perfect time, and it makes me all nostalgic remembering those days i spent falling more and more in love with everything about you...so, thank you, chiaki! you really are a hero, heh♪ just EXISTING within this world helps so many people such as myself! speaking of which! YOU MAKE SO MANY PEOPLE HAPPY!!!! GOOOOOOD GRIEF we all love you so much chiaki!!!!!!!!!!!! you are genuinely one of the most wonderful people EVER!!!! you might come off as just your run of the mill Happy Go Lucky characters but.. you are absolutely so much more than that! you're a boy who has a constant war inside of himself... you're the boy who never gives up simply because you would never want to let those around you down, you're the boy who probably worries about whether or not you thanked the waitress for bringing you extra napkins, you're a dorky child at times, but you're also a very serious father at other times..you're worrisome, passionate, clumsy, funny, and a liar.. yeah, you heard me.. you're a liar! you always lie about how you really feel! stop! doing! that! people love you, and want to repay you for everything you have always done for them! they want to support you! LET THEM!!!! THEY LOVE YOU!!!! you're just so dang stubborn! you're so embarrassing too goooooood you are so adorably embarrassing i love you so much..hehe speaking of embarrassment, every time you blush? my heart stops beating? do you think i have a disease i just? don't know...you're the guy who's somehow everywhere, and anywhere he needs to be at any time of every day! you're the hero of my heart! YOU ARE A HERO!!!!!!!! you are such a powerful hero in your own way, and also in the stereotypical way! you help people on purpose at times, even if they're just small tiny things! but!!!!!! the true power of saving you have, lays within you supporting those in need, and helping them to become who they truly are... by helping them step out of the shadows, and into the sunlight melting all around us...truth be told, the world is a much better place with you in it! everyone you know agrees! even if they begrudgingly admit it out of embarrassment, everyone agrees...you are The Perfect Human, and the GREATEST HERO EVER!!!
i love you! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! ive said that... a lot. but i suppose that's, actually extremely fitting CONSIDERING that this is a well. mindless ramble "lovemail" sort of thing! and love you i will do indeed.
a lot of the time nowadays though, i feel like i haven't expressed it enough- or moreso, i feel like i haven't expressed it like i did in the past.. i've thought it a lot, and i repeat it to my pillow of you every night (that's embarrassing but do you really think i care that much at this point?), and i've worried about it before. you know how instagram was (and still can be at times); every thing turns into a competition, and even if you really don't care deep down, or don't want to care, you'll get sucked into the competitive nature of things... such as fan awards and stuff. it's all so stupid. and i knew that at the time of everything, and even now i know for a fact that it's beneath us all and is well. stupid!!! but like i said, you just can't help it at times! those competitive feelings come out in the vast majority of people, and i got sucked in too. i would always worry about being voted the "Number One Chiaki Morisawa Fan" or the "Number One RYUSEITAI Fan"... and would ask and ask and ASK people to vote for me, because i wanted that validation. so i played up my affection a bit more; it wasnt fake by any means, every word of love that i spelled out for you was all true. i just forced it out of myself more than i would have naturally. then one day, i woke up and stopped caring about that "fan status" validation. i just wanted to love My Guy... and my other Four Guys! i realized that i didn't need to be seen as the number one fan... because in reality, how do you measure something like that? every one is a fan of something... every one is the best fan that they can be, and all love the same character.. so were we competing on something silly like that? i decided to let everything flow naturally.. i let myself love you on my own terms, and not within the realms of "validation"! and so, even if i don't say it like i did before, just know i love you just the same, and even more! i love you, chiaki! every day that love grows, and becomes stronger! i really... really don't think any kind of battle of the fans could disprove that. because i simply know that within my heart, you exist within your own realm. you're wonderful! you're.. you're perfect in every way! every new thing i learn about you just adds to this inspiring delight called "love"! i know that i don't need to talk about every thing i feel every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year (well that was quite long winded), i just need to adore you. which i absolutely do! i love you, i guess more fittingly for what i just said: i adore you, chiaki ♡
sorry, that was... LONG and kinda went into a weird unrelated (kinda?) zone, but like i said, this is me speaking to you straight from the heart so!!!!! whatever!!!!!!! i umm... really wanna talk about this because, every single time i say this word i just. immediately think of you like, no kidding my brain just. Chiaki Morisawa. what word you ask?! WELL!!!! adorable that is!!!! I WANNA TALK ABOUT YOUR CUTE EFFING FACE!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!! ITS SO CUTE!!! YOU ARE JUST SO.... SO CUTE. it hurts my heart i swear to god i am going to go into cardiac arrest one of these days just thinking about your like.. fluffy hair hehe.. or your pretty eyes that look like warm fire roasted chocolates...if that uh, even makes sense? GOD your eyes are just so pretty that i don't even know how to properly describe their beauty!!! i've always loved them! when i first saw a picture of you actually, it was your eyes that instantly captivated me! i have always been a sucker for red eyes, and just. the colour red in general! but!!! your eyes were... different. they aren't simply red, they have brown in them, and even some orange? gosh i don't even know how to colour classify them? i think the best colour-duo i can use to describe them would be... russet-sienna? i even looked up shades of brown just for this I NEED TO KNOW THE EXACT COLOUR! whatever! either way, they are perfect and beautiful and i love them so much! they make me think of warm winter nights... i don't know why.. i hate winter so that's. a strange connection. i also without a doubt, am completely and utterly damaged by your hair. god......it's so. it's such a normal anime boy haircut and yet you work it? so? well? it just looks so cute and fluffy! and i love brown hair too! soooo that's a bonus! i feel like you take care of it really well without even realizing it... i don't know.. whatever you're doing PLEASE just keep doing it it's so.............cute! i would love to see your hair in different styles too though! i hope happy elements lets you experiment soon... i've been waiting for pushed back hair from you for a long time now! I WANT IT NOW!!!!! YOU WOULD LOOK SO HANDSOME!!! I AM GOING TO STOP MYSELF ON THE HAIR TOPIC RIGGGGGGGHT THERE! because if i let myself continue it will become a rant about all of the well. missed opportunities of you with your hair pushed back and GOD no one wants to hear that again.. especially not you, chiaki... but. i do have to say... i Love. LOVE... LOVE!! your chubby cheeks! YES I KNOW WE CAN'T TECHNICALLY SEE THEM BUT! it was confirmed (or so i heard) that you do in fact have a baby face and!!! that has gotta be the cutest thing i have ever heard of in my entire life! LIKE i just love imagining squishing ur cheeks and making you chuckle and go "what are you doing?!" and then me going "holding the world in my hands bro" and then you going red! and watching you laugh nervously out of embarrassment because you're a loser! and then you would throw something cheesy back at me, and i would throw something cheesy your way again after dying, and so on and on! it's the circle of life!
jokingly, i would like to write the lyrics to a song. it's.. one of my favourite songs! it's called "close to you" by the carpenters! i love it a lot and honestly? i thought about it while listening to it one time and. it made me chuckle (which really isn't hard to do but hush!).. basically while listening to it i thought about how this song is me at you, chiaki, when those fan awards were going on. aaaand? that actually ties to something i wrote about a bit earlier in this second letter so! i don't know! i just thought it would be nice to have on the site even if i'm the only one who gets a kick out of it! plus i actually put it on while typing this out because i love it that much! so here we go!
why do birds, suddenly appear... every time you are near?
just like me..... they long to be, Close To Youuuu
why do stars, fall down from the sky, every time you walk by?
just like me..... they long to be, Close to Yoooooouuuuu
on the day that you were born, the angels got together and decided to create a dream come truuuee..
so they sprinkled moon dust in your hair, and golden starlight in your eyes of (blue) russet-siennaaaaaa
that is why, all the girls in town... follow you, all around~just like me, they long to be, Close To You.
OKAY OKAY that's all i'm gonna write but... i love youuuuuuuuuuu and this song is perfect and i have always loved it so. it just made me happy that i thought of you in a way while listening to it! that's all i dont know.. it's dumb okay i Know it's dumb but. yeah! i also as u can see changed a lyric to make it MORE fitting because my boy does not have blue eyes NUH UH they are that wonderful chocolatey Russet-Sienna colour that i love so much!
this one in my head that i'm about to type about is more of an in game thing, but still. it works! it could also go into the cards section of this site, but. eh. i would rather put it here! so, i'm.. really proud of how hard i've worked on getting all of your cards and stuff. well, the cards that i have at least! i'm really overjoyed with it! i've worked tirelessly on it, and i think i'm entitled to be a little well! annoying about how happy i am about it! and i did it because i wanted to feel that pride! i know a lot of people think it's really stupid to put so much effort into these gacha games, but, i don't really think of it like that. my never ending work, and my undying support, and most of all: whatever money i've spent on ensemble stars (more accurately: on you) is a part of what keeps this game alive! and.. if this game dies, that means no more chiaki content! and. yeah, i know that day will come eventually...all wonderful things must come to an end at some point... but, if i can help even just a little bit to stretch out the time this game has left, then i will do everything i can to help. one of my favourite things about life right now (as pathetic as it may sound) is seeing a new chiaki card! i always feel so giddy inside! it's like i'm a little kid in a candy store! I GET SO EXCITED!!! so! i want to help with everything i've got to continue allowing that feeling to exist! because it's a unique feeling that you bring out in me, and i'm thankful for it! my collection is something that surely anyone would be proud of! that might sound cocky but!!! aaahhh it's true! it's my pride and joy! i've gotten every card aside from like... six of the 3☆ cards all by myself! im really proud of it!!!!!!!!!! and i hope you're proud of me for how hard i've worked for you, chiaki! i swear to god i may die one of these days but. at least i'll go out doing what i love.... right?!
i've had so many "Ultimate Favourite" characters before, but. i don't even list you as that. i honestly just call you My Favourite. i think the difference between you and my past infatuations (which don't even make my top ten favourite character list any longer for the most part) is that, you truly ARE my favourite. that sounds so blunt and easy but it's. actually so weird... i know in the past with my favourites i would INSTANTLY claim that my favourite in whatever i was into at the time was my ultimate favourite... i think a lot of people are like that? i don't know, maybe i'm a strange outlier.. well, anyways as i was saying; i wouldn't say currently ensemble stars is my only fixation, maybe not even number one? i go through spouts with every little thing i see, but i always stay by your side. i just... can't love another character on the level i do with you! nor have i ever in the past! you're just....... a special type of favourite! it's funny, it kind of works like "true love" (if you believe in that?)... you go through a lot of feelings, and the characters you've been infatuated with in the past kind of help you to grow in a way. they're a part of you forever, simply because they made you so happy and meant so much to you. but then, suddenly it all changes. and you see that one single shining light... that one existence that makes you feel a little lighter, but also a little heavier somehow at the same time. and it's... it's the one! it's your FAVOURITE character! it doesn't happen fast, and you fall deeper every day... you know what i mean? it kind of works like that! and for me, MY character is you! i had to go through a lot of favourites in order to find you, but eventually i did, and that's... a fantastic feeling! even now i know the love i hold for you is strong enough to withstand anything the world will throw at me! like, for example: i'm currently watching a series, and have found a character i love A LOT and he has found his way into my heart of hearts and i love him A LOT like i said before!!!!!!!!! but even then, no matter how deep into this series or character i get myself into, i always just think of you and get warmmm..... because i know that no other character can do what you have done, and it's a comforting thought! gosh, when i'm an old woman i'm sure i'll still love you and your dorky nature.. 愛してる, chi chan♪
i think the best way to cap this all off until next time (because trust me, there will be a next time eventually) would be to... formally thank you, chiaki! i know, i know; i have, many times before, but this one... this is different! i really want to put everything i have into this! i really want to express every inch of gratitude within my heart... i want to yell it out so loud that no matter where i am, or where you are, you'll hear it! i want it to reach you... i want it to matter. i don't want a half hearted "thank you, from the bottom of my heart.". i want it to truly ring out from the bottom of my core! I WANT YOU TO HEAR IT!!! chiaki, thank you! no, that's not good enough of course! i have... so much to say.. but how? simple words even now are evading me... i go to speak and, for some reason my usual "poetic" cheesy self isn't coming through... those three words that spell out feelings of affection.. they just aren't enough anymore. yes, it's true actions speak far louder than words ever could.. but i can always try! i can try yelling so loud that my ears bleed! i can do whatever and... yeah.. even then, i'm sure it wouldn't matter in the end, huh? well, let's start at base one then again!
chiaki, thank you!
chiaki, i love you!
i know you're not real, trust me, i know that; i haven't gone insane or anything, i don't plan on marrying my body pillow, i really don't at all. my love for you is... something warm. that's the best way to describe it, genuinely. you matter to me immensely. if you ask anyone that, they'll answer in agreement with my statement. it's just a fact! you make me... really happy! and that's something that i love expressing! i love talking to you and pretending you can hear me, but really, i know you can't and! i don't care at all! because to me, somewhere there's a universe where you do exist. and even though you can't read this in that universe.. you can exist. and that... that makes me, well, again: Really Happy! this... really doesn't make any sense though, does it? i probably just sound like i'm speaking gibberish uwaaaahhhhahaha! that\s okay too, though! because maybe in that universe where you exist, maybe.. maybe just maybe i'm the fictional one?! maybe you're a fan of mine...? heh, imagine a world where you're writing to me like this! that would be a dream come true if you ever somehow replied, but i know it's an impossible dream. and that's okay, because even if you aren't three dimensional... even if i can't reach out and touch you, you exist within my heart.
on my sad days, thinking of you makes me happy. and on those days where im already feeling great, thinking of you only makes me happier! isn't that proof- or at least equal to- of an existence? someone who can affect someone so much... no matter how much of a fantasy it truly is... aren't those feelings real still?
either way, it really doesn't matter in the end!
i love you, that's what truly matters!
i know that these feelings will transcend time, and this site could still be alive after i die... that's a weird thought! imagine all of this love mail being online forever.... my god that's so sniffs beautiful...! okay, okay, but for real. no matter what, these feelings... these singular moments where i thank you... they will surpass all concept of time, and be within existence forevermore. because no matter what happens; no matter where i go, or what i do... i will always look back on you and smile lovingly! you mean the absolute world to me, and when i'm a grown, you'll still be written within my heart...always! you helped me to grow, and understand myself more than i can even begin to imagine doing on my own.. and for that, i'm eternally in debt to you, chiaki.
i know, i know; "a true hero only helps for the sake of helping, nothing more!" but still, it's the honourable thing to try to repay you.. and despite knowing full well that every attempt would prove to be futile, i still wanted to give it my best shot! hence why i am here, writing you like this, yet again!
i hope every single one of my earnest feelings reached you; i hope you heard me loud and clear.
i love you, chiaki! please continue making everyone smile, i know you can do it!
after all, bringing happiness and harmony wherever you go is your superpower...♪
yet again, i love you so so so much... thank you!
thank you for everything, chiaki!
➟ log: september 2018
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
my lovely collection of chiaki cards on my ensemble stars account!!!! im very proud of it!
we don’t talk about 4th anniversary chiaki in this house (punches self in the gut)
➟ updated: july 30th, 2019!
august 28th, 2018
you expected this, right?
october 27th, 2017
horror jiangshi chiaki morisawa is unveiled.
yes. i sound serious. this is a very serious matter.
i remember this night so...so god dang vividly. i think it actually scarred me for life. i swear i get flashbacks over seeing the banner and instantly throwing a fit.
so, let's start there: at the "beginning of the end"!
so, i had set my alarm for the event announcement as usual! i set it for 1:50 A.M. so that i would have some time to wake up before seeing the cards- i was...really nervous this time around. like. LIKE I DONT KNOW something inside of me was yelling at me "BE PREPARED!!!! SOMETHING IS GOING TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!!!" and i listened to it, but tried to block it out because Ehhhhhhhh, i have school i cant worry about THIS! and then. then it happened.....i understood my fear oh my god did i ever
i opened my app, and was greeted by my usual chiaki on my homescreen and then. And THEN. the sweet halloween banner...yep, u know the one. i sat there in complete shock like... NO WAY. NO WAY IS THAT HAPPENING no way is mr morisawa sticking his tongue out at me no WAY no WAY NO WAAAAAAAAAY and after contemplating suicide, i eventually clicked on the banner, ready to of course see the unbloomed....
i was wrong, i should have prepared myself more.
when i saw you in your glasses i just....burst into tears YOURE JUST SO CUTE and i KNEW you were rank...i tried to convince myself but i couldnt i just. Knew, deep down that you were indeed the rank card and was....ready to die
at the time, my favourite card overall was dogfight chiaki, and. it seemed impossible to try and outdo that card, but then... halloween chiaki popped up and i just! AH! GREAT!!!! THANKS!
so, those few days just. waiting for the event to start were......so god dang painful oh my gosh and then when the time came around for the event to start, i was SHAKING i thought i was going to break down and have a panic attack for the love of god i just hsdfhdjkjsdkgmhfdgkh
and so, you know how it goes; the event started, he was confirmed as the rank card and well! yep! i was heartbroken! BUT! i had a lot of dia, and was sure i could get him!
so, i worked tirelessly for those ten event days- i even spent... sadly, a lot of actual money on it- and made it to 5 million points! i was happy, and in a really good rank!! i was about? 6000 i believe?! it was good enough for me! so i went to bed, and woke up three hours before the event ended so that i could u know!! do a point grind to assure i wouldnt fall out of rank! ...............................................................................................alright,
so.
...................
s-so,
so!
well, ya see. i woke up that morning and... i was at rank 9000!
yeah!
yeah.
i was so petrified and yet again, heartbroken; my friends had made generous donations of itunes cards during those three hours, but. it just... didn't do it! i.. i ended the event in rank 11600.
i was so miserable, i couldn't even push myself to school that morning; i instead stayed home with a "sore stomach", and mourned.
i surprisingly didn't let it keep me down for too long though! around 1PM that same day, i was filled with determination! it was like... honestly it was like a new superpower had entered my body! i remembered that revivals exist, and yeah! YEAH!!!!! it definitely is awful that i lost out on halloween chiaki that time around but......one day i will have him. it's just... GONNA TAKE A LOT OF WORK!!! and i knew i had to be 100% committed! and i was! so, the work began there!
i put a smile on, and made plans for my halloween chiaki revival- i guessed that he would be about 11.1 million points in the revival (luckily he was less! 10.9!)! but i had to work on my account before i could do anything... i needed to make everything Strong. and so i did that! i got every points 5* in the events, and soon, my teams just stacked up!
then, i began the revival in may!
my plan for the revival was to grind rank ups, and use LP refill materials. i didn't have the money to spend on dia for the revival, nor did i want to. my budget for dia was 400 for the final revival period, in fact! and i managed to stay within that budget!
i'd say... i made around 9 million points just from grinding the sunday + 3B courses for 20 hours per day (yes, i did that.), and then using every LP refill material i had. and then, the remainder was made within the final three days of the revival, with dia! i think i spent about 400 dia? which is perfect since. well. that was my budget!!!!
and so, finally, FINALLY!!!!!!!!! after 10 months of a bucket filled with emotions, money, time, and energy, i did it!
i....i actually did it!
the moment that that final bloomed tetsu 3* showed up... i instantly was overwhelmed, and started tearing up... and when i saw this page? i broke down and SOBBED
i know i know it sounds ridiculous but i ... i was just so overtaken by happiness! I STILL AM!!!!!! GOSH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LOOK AT THAT!!!!!!!!!!
I ACTUALLY GOT HIM IM STILL SO UWAHHHHHHHHAHAAGAHAGHSGDDHJGHJKAJI WHAT THE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im so so so proud of myself for not ever giving up on this... i know its just a game but im still so sos sos sosososososoosos happy he makes me so happy im so glad that i finally got him!!!!!
halloween chiaki... thank you so much!
thank you for finally coming home to me!!!!! thank you for existing!!! this means... well, the world to me!!!! YOU mean the world to me! yhis ten month long journey we went on together was filled with so many different emotions and. even if many of those feelings were coloured with despair and frustration, the overall outcome is nothing but joyous pride!
i love you so much! i will forever cherish this card!!!!!! always!